First Wife, Originally Called Cabaret

I last saw her as a waitress in Illinois 
in the bathroom apologizing for her compartmental way.
Does a kiss have value 
if the kissed don’t ultimately care? 
What am I experiencing?

at the end of a long night-- 
three hours of comedy music and drama 
spilling from theater streets 
where women sell coral beads  
tins of homestyle delicacies: 
relish, cockerels, turquoise, secret 
years following a trail of feathers  
one has no tolerance for 
such questions or those questions' memories   
of following a trail of feathers  
southwest of apologies without effect. 
--------------------------------------------------------------

Some nights walking the docks 
in search of someone I could save 
to atone for being this 
leaking mystery you don’t-even-care-about

I thought about it, yes
and some nights  
I lost track of you working  
too hard for a delayed vacation.  

And it's too late to take me back now.

I last saw my lover as a waitress in Illinois. 
In the bathroom.

Apologizing for not loving me.