25 1/2 Haiku About Suicide

o.
Jesus Christ, you must get shorter. 
I let her thirty versus go. 
There could have been a fifty-first and more.

o.5
 Give me some credit. 
I adapted to my tree. 
What more can be yours?

i.
Hooch, watts, yen, wear, tear, now!  Why? 
Forget me.  Or not. 
With a twist, Mt. Fuji rose.

ii.
Everybody tends to think 
the world would be improved 
with more like them in it.

iii. 
Shiny sun, brass letters glow—
MONUMENTAL LIFE. 
My eyelids are customized.

iv. 
Eating someone’s lunch 
the lounge empty as a shrine. 
I’m better than this.

v.
Snoring in my cube 
the sound of cleaning ladies 
mutes the cleaning rain.

vi.
Honeysuckle in full bloom. 
What the fuck?
It’s mid-October.

vii.
The ghost train bravely 
zooms into supercities. 
Buddha’s hands will shake.

viii.
Look, there’s bacon on the donuts! 
Oh crap, I’m sorry. 
That guy is Jewish, and my boss.

ix.
The new gets older 
quicker than ever before 
same as it ever was.

x.
Fugu is rare air. 
Let’s do this delicacy! 
I want to die quick.

xi.
Here’s the Pacific. 
Sawada gave me the sky. 
I need little more.

xii.
Resting on the basil leaves. 
A bee has passed by 
resting on the basil leaves.

xiii.
Blackbirds hopping in the streets 
will always lose out. 
Look. Divebombing gulls.

xiv.
Dumb boys break bottles 
in the motherfucking yard. 
I bring the plants indoors.

xv.
Colder than a white snowcloud 
over my shoulder— 
memorize what awaits me.

xvi.
Keep my robot sane. 
His desires are impure 
as great-ape love.

xvii.
The storm broke a single tree. 
Big deal I said, but 
from the rest it took the leaves.

xviii.
My hands are ugly. 
Now I wear gloves to hide them. 
Will you begrudge me?

xix.
Some women carry 
a veritable rhino horn 
between their legs.

xx.
Life begins when you have nothing 
to say of yourself.  
Not there but I’m close. 

xxi. 
Other times I doubt this truth  
in tears proclaiming  
You may as well endure.

xxii.
Whales are still alive! 
Blue snow falls on Tokyo— 
the jewels of the sound.

xxiii. 
Today is mine.  
Everyone has one setback.  
Mine is today.

xxiv.
Your haiku's not mainstream! 
Sorry, it's no-go. 
Good luck finding them a home.